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Dear Romanna,
“This world is just temporary conveniances, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman” (muslim)
As this is from an Islamic perspective, I will answer back from a Islamic perspective.
Your whole argument is flawed in its thinking in my opinion.
You say that it is not right that Muslims should choose specifically from their caste or nationality, but then you are saying that because someone is in a skilled profession, they are then not compatible with let say a flight attendant? Because one is skilled in a certain profession does not mean they are above another intellectually or cannot have any compatibility with someone from so supposedly less skilled profession.
As you are discussing this from an Islamic view then you should be placing all the relevant information on marriage.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or other female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be tribulation in the land and much corruption.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah
You say that many contemporary scholars say that marriage leads many away from their faith, this may be as they are choosing partners for other purposes then religious commitment.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Woman are married for four things: for their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Marry the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466).
It was narrated that Thawbaan said O Messenger of Allaah, what kind of wealth should we acquire? He said: “Let one of you acquire a thankful heart, a tongue that remembers Allaah and a believing wife who will help him with regard to the Hereafter.” al-Tirmidhi (3094).
It is a well known fact that scholars who married early compared to scholars who married later in life had excelled much further in their studies, as the thought of finding a companion/partner was not on their mind, they could then focus more on their studies/religious education.
It’s not like men or women are not doing their groceries and worrying about how they are going to pay their next bill etc before marriage, so these factors are not relevant in your argument.
The main thing that would be an issue would be adapting to each other’s wants and needs.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: It was said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): Which of women is best? He said: “The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, obeys him when he tells her to do something, and does not disobey him with regard to herself or her wealth in a way that he dislikes.”
Narrated by al-Nasaa’i (3131)
You state how a man should be with his wife, that he should suit his appetite to his wife or wives 😉 it seems like you are suggesting a man to change himself completely for his wife, does that sound right? I have not heard of this before.
A fruitful relationship is about compromising to each other likes and dislikes, you may like fish and he may hate it, but he eats it so you can have your favourite dish, he may like chicken and vice versa. Having all these frivolous expectations and watching too many Disney movies is what causes all these delusions of grandeur.
Your Islamic teacher says that “even though my husband does “all this good for me”, he still upsets me etc”, she has the wrong mentality in her relationship, no wonder she is moaning. She should be thinking he does all this good for ME, how can I ignore that! If she had any sense then she would discuss with her husband what upsets her or try to improve him etc rather than moaning. If her husband dies before her then she will always remember the good times, and miss him for it, then she will regret the times she was unhappy with him about minor things and vice versa.
Perception:
Appreciate what you have while you have it.
“…Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you take a dislike to them it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good” (Qur’an 4: 19)
Maybe you should quote the quranic verse to the teacher……
“Any woman who dies, and her husband is pleased with her, will enter paradise.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
There are all these blessings in marriage and from your article it seems that you are lowering the beauty of companionship, As it shows there are many virtues of marriage in Islam and one should not give up on the idea of it or lower it significance, as many people do improve in their worship of their Lord through marriage.
It may not be everything, yes
But it is the beginning of Everything.
“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect” (Qur’an 30: 21)